AWOL
by LionessInTheSmoke
Summary: Eggsy is AWOL, but Harry has an important message for him. Also it should be noted that Harry Hart is a bit of a shit. Swearing, obviously. And Malahad, of course.


**AN** \- I am Nanowrimo-ing (anything could happen if it helps me meet my word goal) and have to publish this before the sequel comes out anyway. Not that I doubt my personal Malahad headcanon will survive that, but currently there is less actual canon to get in the way of my glorious ship. So as usual, Malahad and swearing.

* * *

It took a while for Harry to wake up properly, which, although it did not surprise Merlin, still left him rather grumpy from the aches and pains and inconvenience of too much time spent (working/eating/sleeping) in the infirmary, when he really had other places to be. Not that he wanted to be anywhere else, or really managed to do anything productive for very long when he was.

When Harry finally managed to wake up and do more than blink a couple of times before passing out again, Merlin told him how V-Day had turned out. Harry gave a proud little smile, croaked out 'Well done' and promptly went back to sleep.

The next time Harry woke up, Merlin was expecting to be asked about Eggsy. So he was quite surprised when the first thing Harry said once Merlin had taken his seat was;

"I want us to get married."

Merlin gave him a long look down his nose on principle while he got his thoughts together to answer.

The insulting words 'civil partnership' had never been uttered under their shared roof and by the time full, legal marriages were on offer, Merlin had thought even the ridiculously romantic Harry had come to the conclusion they were too old for all that clearly unnecessary fuss.

Apparently not. _Bollocks_.

"I am not marrying a slug-a-bed who can't even be bothered to get down on one knee to propose." Merlin said primly. "When you get your act together and ask me properly, I will consent to make an honest man of you."

"Lovely." said Harry who was clearly delighted, and knew Merlin well enough to have expected the snark. "Now then, where is Eggsy?"

And despite the fact that Merlin had expected that question, and had given his answer an awful lot of careful thought, he still had not come up with anything better than;

"AWOL."

This answer did not please Harry any more than Merlin had predicted it would.

"What type of AWOL Merlin?" He asked, with false sounding patience.

"Has taken himself off to wallow like a stubborn little shit." Merlin said, rubbing his chin, which he was suddenly aware was itchy with stubble. And when had he actually lasted changed his jumper?

"But you know where he is?" Harry asked, struggling to push himself up in the bed.

Merlin, who knew how much Harry hated admitting to needing help, left him to it.

"Of course I know where he is. Going on one mission, even as big of a cluster fuck as that one, does not turn a candidate into someone that can effectively hide from me. Not that I think he is trying."

"So why is he wallowing rather than fire-fighting with everyone else from the table who survived?" Harry asked. "You are planning on giving him a place, aren't you?"

"That would be your decision, Arthur." Merlin said coolly, fighting hard to keep the corners of his lips straight.

"Oh bloody hell!" Harry protested.

"And also your problem." Merlin continued. "He's your protege. You know he won't accept anything other than Galahad. And as big of a wade as he has got his knickers in, I doubt he will accept it from anyone but you, or God personally. He certainly refuses to answer any communication from me and just fobs Roxy off. He is not actively confrontational, but he is not friendly either."

"Hmm." Harry considered. "And where is he having his mortality crisis?"

"Magalaf."

Harry grimaced. The chav was apparently strong with Eggsy. Or he was using the locale as an effective deterrent to interference.

"How is that I am Arthur?" He asked peevishly. "I thought there had to be a vote?"

"There was a vote." Merlin confirmed. "You were late. Percival nominated you and the vote was as unanimous as the situation allowed with three empty seats."

"That is taking advantage, pure and simple. He just didn't want to end up with the job himself, bloody... Physicist."

"For fucks sake Harry! _You only have one eye!_ " Merlin said exasperated.

"I'd noticed that actually, thank you Darling. What are you planning on doing about it?"

Now that was a question that Merlin had already come up with a very good answer for.

* * *

"Alright, he is going up to his room." Merlin reported from in front of his bank of surveillance screens, over Harry's glasses. "I still think this is a spectacularly stupid way of going about this Arthur."

"Oh allow me a little drama Merlin!" Harry replied under his breath.

"It is not _your_ drama that I am worried about. I have been successfully predicting and dealing with the fallout of your drama for years. I am not as well acquainted with _his_."

"It will be fine." Harry said and ordered himself a martini before propping himself up at the bar to wait.

* * *

Eggsy checked the markers he had left on his door were still in place and stepped inside. He did a double-take as he saw the enormous vase of flowers sat on his desk and the very red (blood red, the same red as Harry's office) envelope leaned against it. He stormed across the room wanting to throw the whole lot out of the window, but he would undoubtedly hit someone as busy as the beach was at the moment, so he picked up the envelope and stared at it instead. His name was written on the outside in beautiful, flowing letters. Somehow Eggsy could not imagine Merlin having handwriting that neat, or loopy, and he knew it wasn't Roxy's. He opened the envelope.

"Eggsy, I am truly sorry for the unnecessary distress you have been caused. I am not dead. Please join me in the bar. Merlin tells me you have taught them to make a decent Martini. HH"

Eggsy made a sound that he could not identify, somewhere between a roar of rage and a helpless laugh and thundered out of his room.

* * *

"You know, I really do think red was entirely the wrong colour of envelope to use." Merlin commented in his ear as Eggsy became visible, barging not unlike an upset bull across the hotel foyer.

"Nonsense, it is my colour." Harry answered. "Hello Eggsy." He smiled and caught the fist that Eggsy had swung straight at his nose.

Whilst Harry had predicted the swing at the nose (people always went for his nose for reasons he did not understand as it wasn't a particularly prominent example), he had not factored in the wet speedos that Eggsy had been too distracted to put down since returning to his room, so still got a wet slap in the face. He bore it stoically.

"You still telegraph your intentions much too clearly, but I must admit the wet swimwear is an unpleasant surprise attack. I believe a fish is more traditional though." He pulled out his handkerchief and wiped his cheek.

"You utter bastard!" Eggsy hissed waving the note he still held in his other hand in Harry's face.

"No. No matter how much my parents may have regretted it, I am entirely legitimate I assure you." Harry replied good-naturedly and indicated to the bartender that they were in need of drinks.

"I was talking to Merlin." Eggsy grit out.

"Ah. Well, in that cause, then yes. Quite correct."

That brought Eggsy out of his train of thought.

"You wot?" He said.

"Oh give him the bloody glasses already Arthur!" Merlin demanded.

Harry reached into his jacket pocket and held out a spare set of glasses wordlessly. Eggsy thrust the note into his short's pocket and stuffed the glasses on his nose.

"You complete fucking bastard!" Eggsy said again.

"I heard you fine the first time lad. You have no one to blame but yourself, you ran off and wouldn't answer any calls."

"This one," Eggsy pointed at Harry, "was _dead_ and still managed to get a message to me. And deliver fucking flowers! I am quite sure it was not beyond the capability of your big, bald, egg head to let me know wot the fuck was goin' on!"

"Martini?" Offered Harry smoothly, holding a glass out to Eggsy. "I came to invite you to my wedding."

"You never fucking did." Said Eggsy, grabbing the glass and necking the contents in one.

"Mmm." Said Harry and opened his jacket to remove a second red envelope from his inside pocket, which he handed to Eggsy.

Eggsy put the empty glass and his wet speedos on the bar, earning him a dirty look from the bartender that he was too distracted to notice, and tore open the envelope.

"Who the hell is Rupert Greaves?" Eggsy asked, looking at the wedding invitation in his hand.

Merlin coughed quietly over the glasses.

"Oh you pair o' fuckin' tossers." Said Eggsy and left Harry, and his forgotten speedos, at the bar.

"Was that how you hoped it would go?" Merlin asked.

"Deflection, Darling. Who is he more angry with? Me or you? And which of us is here and has to talk him into coming back?"

"Do bear in mind that I will still have to be able to work with him too."

"Oh don't worry about that, you know he burns hot and fast. He'll have calmed down in time for the battle of the buffet, after all he has paid for all-inclusive and he is pathologically incapable of wasting anything he has paid for." Harry took a sip of his drink. "I am going to make him our ring bearer."

"The hell you are." Merlin said forcefully.

"Don't be like that Darling. Lancelot is going to be your flower girl."

" _I do not need a flower_ _girl Arthur_." Merlin growled.

"Of course you do. Someone has to take care of your skirt."

Harry smiled and drank his martini, ignoring the indignant 'wet-cat' noises being transmitted over his glasses. Eggsy really had done a good job of teaching the staff, his drink was just perfect.

* * *

 **AN2** \- A kilt IS NOT a skirt. It can be a dangerous mistake to make.


End file.
